Sunday, 11 January 2009

• Are you a dog person or a cat person? And why?

  One of these days I will post an actual blog, but I couldn't resist this question.

  A long time ago I wrote a blog elsewhere in cyberspace titled "I Hate Your Dog." I deleted it later because I was trying to practice some positive affirmation stuff that never worked anyway. I wish I had saved it (still can't find it), because it would help me write this.

  I still hate your dog. Why? Because you mistakenly believe it does not bite. Because after it bites someone you say things like, "She never did anything like that before" (which is usually what people say after their dog mauls a child). I hate your dog because when you are gone it barks at everyone who walks by and whines for hours in the middle of the night. When you leave it in the car it charges at passersby like a demon out of nowhere, frothing and clawing and scaring the hell out. I hate your dog because you say things like, "He smells your fear," when the beast is growling and barking menacingly at a newcomer in your home. Because you yell at it at the top of your voice from a hundred yards away, empty leash in hand, as it barrels down on an unsuspecting toddler in the park. Because it never obeys and you have to eventually drag it out back, smack it and lock it out. I hate your dog because you imagine that caring for a dog is somehow even remotely similar to caring for a child – your friends who actually have kids know how wrong you are.

  That being said, I appreciate rescue dogs and police dogs and seeing-eye dogs. And I can understand how having a dog (or any animal, by the way) can be therapeutic for the sick and elderly. If they put their noses or tongues on me, my appreciation rapidly begins to diminish.

  Obviously, I am a cat person.  I grew up with some great cats. My favorite cat could open doors with round doorknobs, talked happily in a great big voice, hardly every scratched or bit anyone (and never without reason), came when we called him, stayed healthy and chased  big dogs. Cat qualities I like are grace, softness, deep affection (usually without licking), unobtrusiveness, and predatory prowess.

  However, I do not like psycho cats. Cats who maliciously defecate or urinate or attack, these I cannot abide.

  Women I have been with have called me a big cat, and my wife even awarded me the nickname "Gato." I wouldn't mind having a cat again one day, but my wife is allergic to cats. And she loves dogs.

  Caring for any animal is tremendous responsibility. They need space, attention and good food. Giving up a pet is one of the most wrenching experiences – I can hardly stand throwing out even a plant. For this reason I will not take on another until I am certain I can attend to it.

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  • 12:43 PM
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