All night, or morning if you prefer – I had all night to come up with something. But instead I played Bejeweled 2 (online action version), many many low scoring games. And there was Xanga, bugging me, messing up my game.
Last weekend, however, I achieved an all-time personal best high score of 640,000. I was so proud.
I also read about how maybe David Carradine's death wasn't a suicide after all. A tragic accident involving some kind of choking sex-game or even murder is more acceptable than suicide. I didn't like to hear he hanged himself – that news is too sad.
For lack of better inspiration for a structure I offer this "stream of consciousness" treatment pertaining to Xanga bugging me.
What is bothering me? A lot of Xanga. Too much Xanga. I think I am really getting swept up. I was afraid of that. It was like this before in a different place. At first it was a place I might expand from what I was doing before. I could, perhaps, cover some topics more broadly – with less restraint. Then I was obsessed with a series, then with the game of Xanga and getting read and earning True. I knew I had to post more often to get that, and that's the challenge. I tried it all. Drama. Action. Social commentary. Health. Flat-out silliness and participation gags. Now this. Next, descriptions of bodily functions, especially secretions. People aren't reading my posts. I'm being excluded. It's a conspiracy because one of those hotshots didn't like something I said on Revelife or I was joking when he thought I was serious. I should really just cave and use that lol thing then people would know when I'm kidding. Only, when it's funny, they're the ones supposed to put "lol." Fuck that I hate typing lol when I can type ha ha or har har or hardy har har. What's the use of being funny if you have to write in a laugh-track? Or. What if I'm not really as funny as I think? I'm deluded then. What if I'm not as good a writer as I thought? No. No. Fight it back. I won all those awards. Two of my articles were featured somewhere on Healthkicker just yesterday. First time featured I guess I don't understand but I'm not getting traffic or comments. I should go check it again. I knew that stop smoking post was the shit. "It's great," wrote the guy at Healthkicker. But then those guys at anamcharaconcepts didn't put me on their "Xanga men" list. I mean, I know I'm just the little blogger, but they know of my power – my potency. I bet it's because I teased about the word "sashay." Hey, they already admitted they're a twiddler. I thought I had a shot. All those guys on the list are obvious picks, but they're not all really fantastic reads all the time. Not like me. They're on everybody's list. They're already at the top of everybody's friends and subscriptions and front pages. Jesus. They're so cool they're so dreamy not like me. I'm still on the outside. As always. I'm Mickey Rourke in Barfly screaming, "Why'd it have to be with Eddie?" Maybe I should write my own Xanga list. Xanga poets. Xanga writers. As if anybody would read it. Let's face it, I called one top blogger a dick on his blog once and nobody cares, and I knew that but it was on my mind so I wrote about it. I am extremely unimportant, unless I'm to blame which is often. I know no one is impressed with me, personally, because I figured out once how to undo a troll. It was the story of it, you know – and it entertained me greatly to write it so well. Trollish. Now there's an "ish" site for you: Trollish. That sense of being excluded and rejected, it gets the job done. I write silly stuff as if people care, but not only do they not care, they don't come over. They don't even read. Well, there are a few really nice people who actually come over to check out what I write. You know where I am you know where to find me. Maybe its because somebody said I called Mary mother of Jesus a whore, but I never did. In fact that whole scene is really interesting. I should tell people about the Mandeans. The Sabean Mandeans who believe John the Baptist was the messiah and they don't give a hoot for that fellow Jesus. No somebody will probably try to trump me with superior knowledge of pre-christian gnostics and related traditions. Those two boys shared close maternal ancestry. And for chrissakes thinking about religion again. What about the agitation I was experiencing before? What was it about? Oh yeah, Xanga. Too much Xanga.
one of the problems on xanga, is that a lot of people don't write for themselves. they write for attention and just for the sake of getting true. i find if you write for yourself, about things that matter to you, things you like, etc. you are going to enjoy xanga so much more. just a thought.
Xanga is pretty addictive. I'm happy being not that popular here. I write what I want to write and I like not having to write for an audience. It's freeing.
I read you! I only just found your blog, but I really, really, enjoy your style.
You guys are all right! Because of you I won't publish the poo blog.
@NoPenniesHere - I'm enjoying Xanga way too much is what I really mean. If I don't feel it I don't write it.
@TheCheshireGrins - Yeah I just got after the True badge on a lark, and the same with trying generate a larger readership. Mostly I'm just doing memory work and goofing off.
Uh huh, and see he didn't read the fine print that said there was going to be more groups in the series. *sigh* Patience dearest, patience!
@AnamcharaConcepts - You're right, I only looked for my name and I understood there would be a companion piece featuring women. Thanks for reading my stream of silliness.
seriously. why the hell DID it have to be with eddie?
because.
@complicatedlight - Because he's so obvious! And he has a fifth of JD or something like that. Thanks for checking in at my blog!
What if I'm not as good a writer as I thought? No. No. Fight it back. I won all those awards. Two of my articles were featured somewhere on Healthkicker just yesterday. First time featured I guess I don't understand but I'm not getting traffic or comments. I should go check it again. I knew that stop smoking post was the shit. "It's great," wrote the guy at Healthkicker. But then those guys at anamcharaconcepts didn't put me on their "Xanga men" list. I mean, I know I'm just the little blogger, but they know of my power – my potency. I bet it's because I teased about the word "sashay." Hey, they already admitted they're a twiddler. I thought I had a shot. All those guys on the list are obvious picks, but they're not all really fantastic reads all the time. Not like me. They're on everybody's list. They're already at the top of everybody's friends and subscriptions and front pages. Jesus. They're so cool they're so dreamy not like me. I'm still on the outside. As always. I'm Mickey Rourke in Barfly screaming, "Why'd it have to be with Eddie?" Maybe I should write my own Xanga list. Xanga poets. Xanga writers. As if anybody would read it. Let's face it, I called one top blogger a dick on his blog once and nobody cares, and I knew that but it was on my mind so I wrote about it. I am extremely unimportant, unless I'm to blame which is often. I know no one is impressed with me, personally, because I figured out once how to undo a troll. It was the story of it, you know – and it entertained me greatly to write it so well. Trollish. Now there's an "ish" site for you: Trollish. That sense of being excluded and rejected, it gets the job done. I write silly stuff as if people care, but not only do they not care, they don't come over. They don't even read. Well, there are a few really nice people who actually come over to check out what I write. You know where I am you know where to find me. Maybe its because somebody said I called Mary mother of Jesus a whore, but I never did. In fact that whole scene is really interesting. I should tell people about the Mandeans. The Sabean Mandeans who believe John the Baptist was the messiah and they don't give a hoot for that fellow Jesus. No somebody will probably try to trump me with superior knowledge of pre-christian gnostics and related traditions. Those two boys shared close maternal ancestry. And for chrissakes thinking about religion again. What about the agitation I was experiencing before? What was it about? Oh yeah, Xanga. Too much Xanga.
Comments (8)
one of the problems on xanga, is that a lot of people don't write for themselves. they write for attention and just for the sake of getting true. i find if you write for yourself, about things that matter to you, things you like, etc. you are going to enjoy xanga so much more. just a thought.
Xanga is pretty addictive. I'm happy being not that popular here. I write what I want to write and I like not having to write for an audience. It's freeing.
I read you! I only just found your blog, but I really, really, enjoy your style.
You guys are all right! Because of you I won't publish the poo blog.
@NoPenniesHere - I'm enjoying Xanga way too much is what I really mean. If I don't feel it I don't write it.
@TheCheshireGrins - Yeah I just got after the True badge on a lark, and the same with trying generate a larger readership. Mostly I'm just doing memory work and goofing off.
@into_the_lens - I really appreciate your fine taste.
Uh huh, and see he didn't read the fine print that said there was going to be more groups in the series. *sigh* Patience dearest, patience!
@AnamcharaConcepts - You're right, I only looked for my name and I understood there would be a companion piece featuring women. Thanks for reading my stream of silliness.
seriously. why the hell DID it have to be with eddie?
because.
@complicatedlight - Because he's so obvious! And he has a fifth of JD or something like that. Thanks for checking in at my blog!